I've had a pretty tough week, if I'm honest. It is funny to me that the act of admitting that, and in doing so, implicitly asking the people around you for help, is also a sign that really, you're going to be okay. Someone who is truly having a rough time would never admit that they were because they wouldn't want to make the people around them feel bad or worry about them. So I want you to know that, while I am fine, I have had a pretty tough week. I could think of much worse places than Cairns to have had it in though.
I've been thinking a lot about sex, so against all of my instinctive shame and squeamishness, I talked about that this week. About why I have sex, the reasons I've had in the past, and the reasons I'd like to have in the future. Felt very inappropriate really, which is in itself, VERY INTERESTING!!
My girlfriend and I broke up last week, I'm very sad about it. I talk about breaking up with someone on Christmas day, and recount the times in the last few weeks that I've had a cry. Pretty good stuff, I reckon.
I had so much fun on stage last night! Fun!! Remember?! That's what it was supposed to be about!! I read about Clarice Beckett in this book on the artistic history of Melbourne, she died unknown and broke at 48, but she left behind so much work. Some of them she painted on the cardboard from cereal boxes, because she was too poor to afford art supplies. That's the point isn't it - she was doing it!! She loved her art!! That's the only reason to keep going!
I had a moment of panic at the start of this episode because I thought I'd forgotten to go to my therapist appointment. Saturday night I did a couple open mics, got an insane letter from a homeless person, and saw a fight. I talked about all of that here, and now I'm going to go to my therapist appointment and tell him not to bother, I'm all fixed up!
Smith Street in Collingwood was named the Coolest Street In The World by a bunch of white people who work for TimeOut. I went through the list, and turns out I'm actually cooler than all of them. Who knew?! Crazy! Also I bought three jackets today.
Last Wednesday in one of the more desperate moments of my adult life, I changed my name on Google to 'Aidan Jones - Professional Google Reviewer'. I posted around 10 reviews of places I've been to recently with pictures of people taking pictures, all in the vain hope that this might entice people to watch my stand up, or engage with my other online content. You win again, Lockdown.
The worst thing about lockdown is that the anxiety of it all compels me to read the news and engage with politics. I hate politics, it's a soap opera, and learning about it never makes me feel happy. I resent that the information I need so that I can predict whether I'm going to be able to go outside next week is in the same place as stories about rich people suing each other. I resent that, because I'm anxious, I know I'm going to read it all.
Last week I had a day completely to myself. I didn't catch up with anyone, I didn't get drawn in to any plans, I just woke up in the morning, and allowed myself time to do all the things that I felt I'd been putting off. It was the best thing I've done for myself in a long time, and I'm going to do it every week now.
I'm trying to get better at prioritising the time I need to work on comedy stuff and my business at the same level as the time I spend at my removal job. It's easy to tell people I'm busy when I'm rostered on at a place and I have to be there, but I should be just as serious about the time I need to spend working on my own shit - more serious even! If I don't go to work, I just get fired, but if I don't work on my comedy, then my dream will go unfulfilled and I'll slowly grow old and bitter, which is arguably worse than having to get back on Centrelink.